Dating Abroad.

Okay I have to say this article made me laugh out loud, as us oldsters like to actually spell out, with its complete lack of information.

Oh, moving to a new country is easier with your family? Meet the L family- nana would be constantly trying to put a veil on me cause we’re in a Muslim country and when in… and all, mama would be constantly on the verge of killing said nana and when she wasn’t she’d probably think going to the grocery store was dangerous on account of the protests, (do love ya, ma) Jerry would be fixing my electronics….

On second thought come, guys. It IS easier to live abroad with (technologically enabled) members of your family.

I offer my own dating tips. (Mama seriously look away now.)

1. Dude comes with a package. Don’t get excited. It’s his whole extended family. You, who grew up in a nuclear family in the suburbs and were told to move out at 18 will have difficulty dealing with all the family obligations.

2. Jealousy is considered a healthy part of relationships, here. That awful feeling you never want to feel again, of what your partner is doing with whom and why? For some reason it’s national sport here. Even if, for some reason, your dude trusts you and isn’t hacking into your facebook to see who you’re with and why, there’s a lingering question in the air. Why would you want to spend time with anyone else? If you’re a single lady, you’ll probably also be attacked by the Turkish girlfriend of your foreign friend at some point, for looking at him. If you’re as lucky as Agent L, you’ll hear at some point, “I am going to find the person you love the most and fuck him, and I don’t care if it ruins my marriage because I want you to feel what I’m feeling now.” (Offense: husband had looked at my tits, I had not looked at his.)

(I offered names and addresses, pointed out the next person I intended to fuck, and offered a race.)

3. The (ma, seriously. I’m sure Martha Stuart has updated her page recently!) butt. Virginity is prized here in a way that it isn’t at home. In America, at 15 we’re itchy to get rid of it, and for ladies of a certain age, John Hughes showed us exactly how. Not so here. A former student of mine that I developed a relationship with explained it thusly, when telling me about how her cousin had conceived twins artificially after she gave up on having normal vaginal intercourse ever ’cause of crippling vaginismus: “We’re told from a very young age how painful and bloody and horrible sex is. So we don’t do it.” Exit only is considered the preferred on-ramp, ladies. Cause that hurts WAY less.

Have fun!


This entry was posted in Ex-pat, Istanbul, Turkey, Yabancı life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dating Abroad.

  1. Kelly S. says:

    Oh geez… Wow. All I can say is that my husband who has spent tons of time in the Middle East all around says that many girls prize their hymens so much that they are only willing to have some back door action. (And that article saying that two expats could hook up and get along because they will speak the same language? What? Yeah, that’s all it takes to make a relationship work, speaking the same language.)

    • agentlabroad says:

      Yup- not tons of patience and being able to curb your homicidal urges and liking to hang out with someone more often than not. Speaking the same language. I just love articles like this that are founts of non-information. There are words, yes, and they make sentences, we can clearly see, and yet no information is getting across. Huh. Also- cause of the hymen thing, ridiculously difficult to find tampons here.

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