Agent L has one legitimate protest injury- a deep bruise on one calf from a poorly timed thrown brick that’s been hanging out for the better part of a week and a half.
Do you ever go a a spurt of just injuring the hell out of yourself, repeatedly, or is that just me?
Anyway, have a great Tekel man right around the corner from me who I tend to visit a couple times a day for diet coke or beer or snacks or whatever. Ran in the other night with a really pretty spectacular 3rd degree burn on my chest that I got from… wait for it… eating a chicken sandwich. No joke. Got one of those cutlets with the cheesey goo in it, heated it up, stuck it on some bread, took a big bite, boiling cheesey goo dripped on my chest and boom. There went a Turkish lira sized patch of skin.
He looked at me in alarm and asked if the police had done it. I was sorely tempted to say yes.
The next morning I wandered in after hauling a huge bag of junk from the house including shards of a broken mirror. I didn’t realize until I got inside the store that I’d managed to slice my leg pretty spectacularly and blood was pooling into my shoe.
The next morning I walked in for my a.m. diet coke (do not judge me) with a black eye, gotten through monumental stupidity that does not bear repeating here, but trust me, did it to myself.
At that point he gave me his number and demanded that I call him if I ever felt in danger.
If anyone needs some extra cash, please holler at me- I desperately need a babysitter. For myself.
Oh, also today I managed to drop my keys down a manhole cover, so also if you’re good at breaking into houses give me a shout in the next hour or two.