whaddya gonna do for your H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y ! ! !
I’m gonna try to sleep in, but fail miserably, and give up and start watching nine whole episodes of Archer at 8:30. Then I’m going to meet up with Tara for birthday breakfast. She, unlike me, will be ridiculously hungover, and when she lets me pick out our food, she will be equal parts disappointed and nauseated when I choose fried anchovies, buttered shrimp casserole, and patlican salad. But fuck it, it’s my birthday, and at least I won’t order the marinated mackerel. She should be grateful for that. Then I’m a make an excuse and head off into a dirty part of town where all my troubles can’t be found, and in the course of an hour and twenty minutes, buy an entire outfit- dress, shoes, cardigan, jacket, most name brand- for 115 lira. (about sixty odd bucks.) I love shopping here. Do you remember that brief moment when our, for lack of a better word, hobby was going to Columbia mall and fondling the sweaters in Banana Republic? I’ll go home and change and do my hair up in a lackadaisical crown of braids and splash on some makeup and perfume, and run over to Maside, which I will have picked because 1. ıt’s cozy 2. the staff is lovely 3. great Black Sea region food, well priced 4. cheap drinks 5. they know me. Maside will turn out to be freezing cold, there will be a new guy on staff who will hate us for being so many and will kind of be a dick to us all night, we will be squooshed on the third floor, and the bathrooms will be broken, necessitating our going next door when we have to pee. The food, though, will be excellent. Particularly the mantı and the fondue.
I’m going to have a very limited invite list, because honestly, this birthday isn’t very exciting. I’m holding out for my housewarming party, in a month. That’s going to be spectacular. So just a few friends, but it was important for me to invite people from different parts of my life- my drinking pals, my work pals, my pals from my comedy group- so it’ll wind up being a nice mix of people. Mostly I’ll just be happy to sit in a corner and talk to Hannah. I’ll get presents, I’ll have toasts said to me, I’ll bully everyone into drinking whiskey, and I’ll accuse many people, over many trivial offenses, of “RUINING MY BİRTHDAY. WAY TO GO.” Maybe I will have watched too much Archer. Hard to know.
Anyway, them’s my plans, and they sound lovely, but what I really think will make my day is hearing from you.
Happy my birthday to you, sir.